Today is 14th June 2014. Its been 3 years since I lastt posted anything here or een visiit??? Wow thats a really long time. My last post was written when I was a naive innocent you g girl hahahahah. Between the last post till now, so many things have happened, so many thing have changed. I have changed, definitely. People come and people go within these  3 years. Some important to me, some are just mere shadows lurking around. I used to write for attention, for socializing purposes and as a form of communication with people around me. But 3 years down the road, not anymore. Nobody visits this place anymore, not even I myself.  So why am I here today after such a long long long period of time? I guess I just want to empty my head, empty my heart, empty the demons within. These 3 years some things have changed, some things have stayed the same. Lets start with those that have changed. I had broken up with my exboyfriend(Samuel Lim) of 5 years. We were so close and literally were each other's bestfriends. We knew and understood each other. We both thought we were each other's forever. He was my first boyfriend. I was really happy at the start of the relationship despite him placing little effort onto me. I was okay with it till 2013. I guess people change and I initiated the breaking up. Me being the irresponsible me, I didn't do it in the most responsible manner ever. I really really broke him, really really tore him to pieces, really really made him lose faith in love. I can't blame him, I really left all of a sudden with no warning. So from 07/06/09 to the last quarter of 2013, that was the duration of our relationship. Many great memories were made, but several mistakes came along with it them too. I had committed murder, discarded friendships, threatened my own parents, used substances, smoked and gave up my education. All these incidents and experiences taught me so much, so so much. But if there was a second choice, I wouldn't want my life to be this way. But whats happen, has happened. Education wise, I finally finished my Alevels with BCD/E. Not stellar, but not the worst. Got a B for math and learnt that hard work really pays off. Applied for NTU and NUS and got rejected by both. Currently am super lost about my future. To retake As or to just pursue a degree in a private institution. Things are still bleak in my education department but I'm glad and proud of myself for finishing my Alevels. For perservering and to not give up on bettering myself. I still remembered how I dropped out of IJC and NYP and didn't had a school to go to. Scary huh. Eternally grateful to YJC principal for giving me a chance, for having faith on me despite my history and for the faith in me. Romance wise, I have found a new boyfriend who is a dream, a fantasy. He is unbelievable. He is perfect. He is ambitious, loving, girly hahahah, sweet, works hard to achieve what he wants and he loves me. Whats most attractive about him is his drive, his focus and his determination. Also to add on the hot factor, he is a fireman, rides a motorbike, and has a dream. I understand that to be with him, I have broken my ex's heart so bad and did damage of great great great magnitude. Whether my actions are right or wrong, I don't really know anymore. Reality is filled with grey areas. What is right to one, maybe perfectly reasonable and right for another. So yeap, right or wrong I don't really know anymore but I just know I am happy now and I wouldn't want things to go any other way. I am truly happy now. As for myself, I used to be a irresponsible, spoilt, pampered, innocent and ignorant little princess. Irresponsibility wise, I am still ad irresponsible as ever hahahah. Not keeping to my words, not keeping to my promises and not fulfilling my duties. Spoilt wise, I have improved. I used to take pocket money from my parents till last year at the age of 20. But now, I have started earning my share and using my own money. I have finally came out to the world and earn my keep. From zara to dental assistant to clinic incharge now. From a meagre pay to a pay too high for my job scope, I am happy. But this job is sucking all of my happiness so I will definitely be leaving soon. A promise to myself: leave by september!!!! Innocence wise, I am definitely no longer innocent hahahah. Tainted and demented. I have finally gone to a skin doctor and my skin has improved tremendously. I used to be so depressed over my terrible terrible oily skin covered in acne, but not anymore. I love my skin now so I guess finally going to the doctor was the best decision ever. I also recently just ha braces fixed on. Soon I won't have gap between my front tooth and my cross bite will be corrected:) Currently trying to lose weight!!! Current weight of 55kg and aiming for a 45!!:)) friendship wise, I am still as froendless as ever. I guess I really need to learn to maintain and forge friendships with people. I'll work harder. I hope I'll finally have friends:(( I also need to be better daughter and look after my aging parents. My mommy, daddy and jiejie. So my daddy got kidney failure due to diabetes. It started on 2012 december. I have been seeing my daddy suffer so much because of this illness. My mommy is working hard for the family. So is my sister. I really pray and hope my dad gets better. I really really love my mommy, daddy and jiejie so so so much. I haven't been treasuring them at all and haven't been caring and loving them properly. I need to start treasuring, caring, loving, taking care and spending time with them. I don't want to regret. Really. I cannot live with this regret. I want to be a better person and I will. I will start trying and spare time for them. I will make the effort for them. Afterall, they fed me, clothed me, taught me, provided for me, loved me. And after 21 years, they are still the ones who stayed on. They never lost faith in me despite the number of times I broke their hearts. They never gave up on me. They are all I have in this life. My family. I should really start to put in effort for them. I will, I must, I can.

So yeap, life has been a roller coaster for me. A ride of uncertainty, a ride of ups and downs. Things are great now but I believe things will get even better. May God bless me, my family and my boyfriend's family. Its really late now and I'm going to bed now. Goodnight shuxian. And I'll be back for more updates.

With love,
The 14th June Shuxian

Sunburnt! 4:27 AM